1
00:00:01,392 --> 00:00:04,221
[theme music playing]

2
00:01:08,851 --> 00:01:09,939
Anybody open?

3
00:01:09,939 --> 00:01:11,114
One buck.

4
00:01:11,114 --> 00:01:13,116
-I call.
-I'm in.

5
00:01:13,116 --> 00:01:14,291
-Call.
-I'm in.

6
00:01:14,291 --> 00:01:16,685
All right.
Cards?

7
00:01:16,685 --> 00:01:18,687
Three.

8
00:01:18,687 --> 00:01:20,602
A-one, a-two,
a-three to you.

9
00:01:21,646 --> 00:01:23,474
[chuckles]

10
00:01:25,433 --> 00:01:27,304
Ha!

11
00:01:27,304 --> 00:01:29,001
The great poker face.

12
00:01:29,001 --> 00:01:30,786
Keep it up,
you'll make Mount Rushmore.

13
00:01:30,786 --> 00:01:32,353
Three.

14
00:01:34,006 --> 00:01:36,661
Who deals these cards
deals trash.

15
00:01:36,661 --> 00:01:37,706
Father?

16
00:01:37,706 --> 00:01:38,837
FATHER MULCAHY:
Two, please.

17
00:01:38,837 --> 00:01:40,448
One, two, buckle my shoe.

18
00:01:42,711 --> 00:01:44,800
Father, I thought youwere supposed to trustyour fellow man.

19
00:01:44,800 --> 00:01:48,108
Not when there's eight dollarsin the collection plate.

20
00:01:48,108 --> 00:01:50,197
Woodruff?

21
00:01:50,197 --> 00:01:51,372
Four.

22
00:01:51,372 --> 00:01:53,069
[laughs]

23
00:01:53,069 --> 00:01:54,549
Come on.You'll give it away.

24
00:01:54,549 --> 00:01:55,811
Klinger?

25
00:01:55,811 --> 00:01:57,160
Three.

26
00:01:57,160 --> 00:01:58,988
A face card and a deuce,huh, Klinger?

27
00:01:58,988 --> 00:02:00,337
Come on!

28
00:02:00,337 --> 00:02:02,034
Your nose is themirror of your soul.

29
00:02:02,034 --> 00:02:03,819
I'd like to
use that sometime.

30
00:02:03,819 --> 00:02:05,037
Oh, I'd be flattered.

31
00:02:05,037 --> 00:02:06,778
Dealer takes three.

32
00:02:06,778 --> 00:02:10,478
Hee-hee-hee.

33
00:02:10,478 --> 00:02:14,177
-Uh-huh. Radar?
-One buck.

34
00:02:14,177 --> 00:02:15,657
A dollar to you,
uh, Father.

35
00:02:15,657 --> 00:02:17,528
Without even a peek...

36
00:02:17,528 --> 00:02:20,052
I will raise it
two dollars.

37
00:02:20,052 --> 00:02:21,184
Special glasses?

38
00:02:21,184 --> 00:02:22,881
The Vatican PX.

39
00:02:22,881 --> 00:02:24,448
Three to you, Woody.

40
00:02:24,448 --> 00:02:25,667
Call.

41
00:02:25,667 --> 00:02:27,538
Garbage.

42
00:02:27,538 --> 00:02:30,062
Two to you, Smiley.

43
00:02:30,062 --> 00:02:31,325
Full house.
Threes over deuces.

44
00:02:31,325 --> 00:02:33,762
[groaning]

45
00:02:34,893 --> 00:02:36,547
Boy, I must be aheadabout 12 bucks.

46
00:02:36,547 --> 00:02:38,941
I can buy my momsome more electrolysis.

47
00:02:38,941 --> 00:02:40,899
The gift for the woman
who has everything.

48
00:02:40,899 --> 00:02:42,640
Well, I gotta go.

49
00:02:42,640 --> 00:02:45,339
Sit down, laughing boy.I'm out 85.

50
00:02:45,339 --> 00:02:46,427
Deal!

51
00:02:46,427 --> 00:02:47,776
Daddy needs
a new garter belt.

52
00:02:47,776 --> 00:02:49,212
Gee, I'd like to
play some more,

53
00:02:49,212 --> 00:02:50,300
but I gotta fill out
the morning report,

54
00:02:50,300 --> 00:02:51,606
the monthly report,

55
00:02:51,606 --> 00:02:52,868
type four letters
for Colonel Potter,

56
00:02:52,868 --> 00:02:54,652
and massage my gums.

57
00:02:54,652 --> 00:02:55,784
It's almost midnight.

58
00:02:55,784 --> 00:02:57,002
Uh, I'll see ya.

59
00:02:57,002 --> 00:02:59,048
Thanks a lot for all
the swell money.

60
00:03:00,615 --> 00:03:03,183
I hate a guy who quits earlywhen he's ahead.

61
00:03:03,183 --> 00:03:04,749
Woody, when Radar says
he's got work to do,

62
00:03:04,749 --> 00:03:06,360
he means it.

63
00:03:06,360 --> 00:03:07,752
If it weren't for
that leprechaun,

64
00:03:07,752 --> 00:03:09,841
4077 would be a
license plate.

65
00:03:09,841 --> 00:03:11,887
Well, I should go.

66
00:03:11,887 --> 00:03:14,585
I promised Finch
I'd stop by post-op.

67
00:03:14,585 --> 00:03:16,239
He's in for dysentery.

68
00:03:16,239 --> 00:03:18,633
-Ah, my favorite holiday.-How much you out, Father?

69
00:03:18,633 --> 00:03:20,330
Sixteen.

70
00:03:20,330 --> 00:03:23,768
Well, unlucky at cards,unlucky at love.

71
00:03:23,768 --> 00:03:25,117
Yep.

72
00:03:25,117 --> 00:03:26,597
There goes mynew garter belt.

73
00:03:26,597 --> 00:03:28,295
I'll have to hold upmy stockings with Band-Aids.

74
00:03:28,295 --> 00:03:29,861
-Ingenious.
-Stings.

75
00:03:29,861 --> 00:03:31,733
Pulls clumps of hairoff my legs.

76
00:03:31,733 --> 00:03:33,387
That's what those were.

77
00:03:33,387 --> 00:03:35,302
I thought they
were wounded rats.

78
00:03:35,302 --> 00:03:37,086
I'm ready to pack it in.Time for beddy-bye.

79
00:03:37,086 --> 00:03:38,870
As us butch guys
say at the front.

80
00:03:38,870 --> 00:03:41,177
-See you at breakfast.-Not me. It's porridge.

81
00:03:41,177 --> 00:03:43,527
-I found two eggs.
-Under a snake.

82
00:03:45,790 --> 00:03:47,314
Well, what do you say,
Woodruff?

83
00:03:47,314 --> 00:03:48,489
You owe me 85.

84
00:03:48,489 --> 00:03:50,230
Uh, get ya next time.

85
00:03:50,230 --> 00:03:52,580
-How's that?
-I ain't got it.

86
00:03:52,580 --> 00:03:54,799
You should've gotten
out of the game.

87
00:03:54,799 --> 00:03:56,975
You owe me 35
from last week.

88
00:03:56,975 --> 00:04:00,675
Guys, I got obligations.I also play poker at H.Q.

89
00:04:00,675 --> 00:04:02,459
Good, 'cause you're notplaying here anymore.

90
00:04:02,459 --> 00:04:04,113
-Oh, come on, guys.
-No, forget it.

91
00:04:04,113 --> 00:04:05,810
You stiffed us twice.

92
00:04:05,810 --> 00:04:09,118
Oh, okay, okay.
Look, don't-don't get sore.

93
00:04:09,118 --> 00:04:13,340
I, uh, got something
better than money.

94
00:04:13,340 --> 00:04:16,125
Yeah, your health.But I can't spend your health.

95
00:04:16,125 --> 00:04:19,998
Look, I'm in charge of theI Corps mimeograph setup.

96
00:04:19,998 --> 00:04:22,479
And I'm in charge of spleens
and small intestines.

97
00:04:22,479 --> 00:04:25,308
You guys know what comesout of mimeograph machines?

98
00:04:25,308 --> 00:04:26,962
Waste paper?

99
00:04:26,962 --> 00:04:29,007
Promotions.

100
00:04:29,007 --> 00:04:30,922
I can promote you.

101
00:04:30,922 --> 00:04:34,839
How would you like, uh,Major Hawkeye Pierce?

102
00:04:34,839 --> 00:04:36,188
I'd rather be Dr. Pierce,

103
00:04:36,188 --> 00:04:38,887
with a liquor store in frontand surgery in back.

104
00:04:38,887 --> 00:04:40,236
How about you?

105
00:04:40,236 --> 00:04:41,411
You wanna be
Major B.J. Hunnicutt?

106
00:04:41,411 --> 00:04:44,806
[chuckles]

107
00:04:44,806 --> 00:04:46,373
What's so funny?

108
00:04:46,373 --> 00:04:48,200
Play this on your
mimeograph machine.

109
00:04:48,200 --> 00:04:50,202
Lieutenant Radar O'Reilly.

110
00:04:52,770 --> 00:04:54,598
[B.J. chuckles]

111
00:04:54,598 --> 00:04:56,861
[whistling]

112
00:04:59,777 --> 00:05:02,171
-Don't you ever salute,Corporal?
-[glass shatters]

113
00:05:02,171 --> 00:05:05,566
Well, anything for me?

114
00:05:05,566 --> 00:05:08,612
Uh, just youraftershave lotion, sir.

115
00:05:10,788 --> 00:05:12,355
You little poop!

116
00:05:12,355 --> 00:05:14,705
You planned that
whole salute!

117
00:05:18,666 --> 00:05:19,754
[whistling]

118
00:05:24,976 --> 00:05:26,064
[knocking]

119
00:05:26,064 --> 00:05:27,762
HOULIHAN: Come.

120
00:05:27,762 --> 00:05:30,417
It's me-- ooh.

121
00:05:30,417 --> 00:05:31,592
What?

122
00:05:31,592 --> 00:05:33,942
Mail call, sir.Uh, ma'am.

123
00:05:33,942 --> 00:05:36,510
Uh, that's a package fromLieutenant Colonel Penobscott,

124
00:05:36,510 --> 00:05:38,338
your belovedbetrothed-to-be.

125
00:05:38,338 --> 00:05:40,035
I know who he is.

126
00:05:40,035 --> 00:05:42,211
[inhales deeply]
Oh!

127
00:05:42,211 --> 00:05:45,780
Oh, that thoughtful
darling!

128
00:05:45,780 --> 00:05:48,783
He knows I lovefine leathers.

129
00:05:48,783 --> 00:05:53,265
A-ha!
Wahoo!

130
00:05:53,265 --> 00:05:55,616
[screaming]

131
00:05:57,182 --> 00:05:59,315
[whip snapping]

132
00:06:00,882 --> 00:06:03,188
HOULIHAN: Yahoo!

133
00:06:11,283 --> 00:06:15,549
I asked for communion wafers,and they sent me Ritz crackers.

134
00:06:15,549 --> 00:06:18,682
Gee, I'm sorry, Father.Supply's mostly Presbyterian.

135
00:06:18,682 --> 00:06:20,423
Well...

136
00:06:20,423 --> 00:06:22,991
did they at least send
the Biblical bookmarks?

137
00:06:22,991 --> 00:06:24,079
Oh, yes, sir.

138
00:06:29,214 --> 00:06:32,261
Um, it's, uh--it's athletic equipment.

139
00:06:32,261 --> 00:06:33,741
You know, slingshots.

140
00:06:33,741 --> 00:06:35,351
With a slingshot
like that,

141
00:06:35,351 --> 00:06:37,658
I think David could have
slain two Goliaths.

142
00:06:37,658 --> 00:06:38,746
Yeah.

143
00:06:42,706 --> 00:06:44,534
-[knocking]
-Come in.

144
00:06:44,534 --> 00:06:46,797
Mail call,
Lieutenant Baker.

145
00:06:46,797 --> 00:06:49,191
Radar...

146
00:06:49,191 --> 00:06:51,367
why do you alwaysleave so quickly?

147
00:06:51,367 --> 00:06:52,542
Hit and run?

148
00:06:52,542 --> 00:06:53,978
Well, you know
how the mail is.

149
00:06:53,978 --> 00:06:55,893
It doesn't wait for
hail or sleet or rain,

150
00:06:55,893 --> 00:06:57,808
or bad spark plugs,
or whatever.

151
00:06:57,808 --> 00:06:59,244
I think I'm caught
in your towel.

152
00:06:59,244 --> 00:07:00,463
-Radar.
-Hmm?

153
00:07:00,463 --> 00:07:02,160
What about us?

154
00:07:02,160 --> 00:07:04,815
-You mean you and me,
and you?
-Mm-hmm.

155
00:07:04,815 --> 00:07:07,905
When are you gonnamake a real delivery?

156
00:07:07,905 --> 00:07:10,038
I left the mail
on your bed.

157
00:07:10,038 --> 00:07:13,171
Radar, how obviouscan I be?

158
00:07:13,171 --> 00:07:15,783
-You can kiss me,
if you want.
-Oh, no, no, no.

159
00:07:15,783 --> 00:07:17,785
I-I don't think that
would be very fair.

160
00:07:17,785 --> 00:07:20,004
All is fair inlove and war.

161
00:07:20,004 --> 00:07:22,354
No, I mean I think
I'm getting a strep throat.

162
00:07:22,354 --> 00:07:25,662
Besides, you're an officer.I'd be happy to salute you.

163
00:07:25,662 --> 00:07:28,012
Whoa, that stang!

164
00:07:29,710 --> 00:07:33,844
♪ You oughta be in pictures wah-wah ♪

165
00:07:33,844 --> 00:07:36,891
♪ You're wonderful to see Wah wah-wah ♪

166
00:07:36,891 --> 00:07:38,632
-Klinger.
-My colonel?

167
00:07:38,632 --> 00:07:39,894
Knock off the "wah-wahs."

168
00:07:39,894 --> 00:07:41,199
Yes, sir,but it's a group arrangement.

169
00:07:41,199 --> 00:07:43,375
Just cut.
And watch my wart.

170
00:07:43,375 --> 00:07:45,203
In my hands,your wart is sacred.

171
00:07:45,203 --> 00:07:47,031
-[knocking]
-Mail.

172
00:07:47,031 --> 00:07:49,164
-Anything for me?
-Just junk mail.

173
00:07:49,164 --> 00:07:50,861
-Wanna sell your house?-We rent.

174
00:07:50,861 --> 00:07:53,385
-Then you didn't get any mail.-How did I do?

175
00:07:53,385 --> 00:07:55,344
Pretty good, sir.You got a letter fromyour granddaughter.

176
00:07:55,344 --> 00:07:56,998
Oh!
Open it and read it.

177
00:07:56,998 --> 00:07:58,782
Well,it might be personal.

178
00:07:58,782 --> 00:08:01,002
What could a five-year-old kidwrite that's personal?

179
00:08:01,002 --> 00:08:03,352
-Oh, potty stuff and--
-Read it!

180
00:08:03,352 --> 00:08:04,396
Yes, sir.

181
00:08:04,396 --> 00:08:05,702
♪ You oughta be
in pictures ♪

182
00:08:05,702 --> 00:08:07,661
BOTH:
♪ Wah-wah

183
00:08:07,661 --> 00:08:10,490
-"Dear Grandpa"...
-Bright kid, for five.

184
00:08:10,490 --> 00:08:11,795
Made toast at three.

185
00:08:11,795 --> 00:08:12,970
I put milk onmy cereal at four.

186
00:08:12,970 --> 00:08:15,277
Good man.
Go on.

187
00:08:15,277 --> 00:08:19,324
"Mama says, 'How are you'?Mama says, 'I am fine.'

188
00:08:19,324 --> 00:08:22,632
"Mama says, 'I hope
you are fine too'.

189
00:08:22,632 --> 00:08:25,026
"Mama says, 'Don't
play with ashtrays

190
00:08:25,026 --> 00:08:26,201
"'cause they're furniture.'

191
00:08:26,201 --> 00:08:28,290
"O-O-O-X-X-X."

192
00:08:28,290 --> 00:08:30,379
-That's hugs and kisses.-Oh.

193
00:08:30,379 --> 00:08:31,815
Anything else?

194
00:08:31,815 --> 00:08:33,338
Uh, yes, sir.This came from I Corps.

195
00:08:33,338 --> 00:08:34,426
Read it.

196
00:08:34,426 --> 00:08:37,473
[whistling]

197
00:08:37,473 --> 00:08:41,129
"From: R.J. Meighan.Commanding Officer, I Corps.

198
00:08:41,129 --> 00:08:42,739
"To: Sherman Potter,
Commanding.

199
00:08:42,739 --> 00:08:44,741
"Mobile Army Surgical
Hospital 4077.

200
00:08:44,741 --> 00:08:47,178
"Regarding the pro"...

201
00:08:50,094 --> 00:08:51,443
POTTER: Well?

202
00:08:51,443 --> 00:08:54,490
Take it easy, kid.

203
00:08:54,490 --> 00:08:57,711
"Re: The promotion of
O'Reilly, Walter, Corporal,

204
00:08:57,711 --> 00:09:00,888
"3-9-1-1-8-1-0,
to second lieutenant.

205
00:09:00,888 --> 00:09:02,585
"U.S. Army Reserve."

206
00:09:02,585 --> 00:09:04,369
Well, I'll be John Brown!

207
00:09:04,369 --> 00:09:06,284
You've jumped from corporal,over sergeant,

208
00:09:06,284 --> 00:09:07,808
to second lieutenant!

209
00:09:07,808 --> 00:09:09,723
It must be a mistake.I'm just a kid.

210
00:09:09,723 --> 00:09:11,681
No mistake.
That's your serial number.

211
00:09:11,681 --> 00:09:14,031
That's war.
Crazy things happen.

212
00:09:14,031 --> 00:09:15,642
Friend of mine was
a plumber, one day,

213
00:09:15,642 --> 00:09:18,035
and in charge of the
Panama Canal, the next.

214
00:09:18,035 --> 00:09:20,342
You son of a gun.
Let me lay one on ya.

215
00:09:20,342 --> 00:09:22,126
Aw, come on, Klinger.At ease.

216
00:09:22,126 --> 00:09:24,999
-You better get used to it,Lieutenant.
-Oh, my gosh!

217
00:09:24,999 --> 00:09:26,653
Keep one thing in mind,Herr Leutnant.

218
00:09:26,653 --> 00:09:28,002
Be nice to us G.I.s.

219
00:09:28,002 --> 00:09:30,178
You were an enlisted manyourself once. Remember.

220
00:09:30,178 --> 00:09:33,007
Absolutely
fan-damn-tastic!

221
00:09:33,007 --> 00:09:35,705
I Corps probably heard youwere doin' a great job, kid--

222
00:09:35,705 --> 00:09:37,054
Sir.

223
00:09:37,054 --> 00:09:39,579
Well, I have beenpracticing on my spelling.

224
00:09:41,885 --> 00:09:44,540
Did you hear about Radar?

225
00:09:44,540 --> 00:09:46,194
His hamster win
the Kentucky Derby?

226
00:09:46,194 --> 00:09:47,238
He's a second lieutenant.

227
00:09:47,238 --> 00:09:48,805
-You're kidding!
-No fooling!

228
00:09:48,805 --> 00:09:51,112
Just can't figure it out.Does a good job.

229
00:09:51,112 --> 00:09:53,941
Everything in triplicate.Sharpens my pencil every day.

230
00:09:53,941 --> 00:09:56,552
Outgoing in the outgoing box.Incoming in the incoming box.

231
00:09:56,552 --> 00:09:58,162
Who could ask for
anything more?

232
00:09:58,162 --> 00:10:00,208
But corporal tosecond lieutenant?

233
00:10:00,208 --> 00:10:01,470
There's gottabe an answer.

234
00:10:01,470 --> 00:10:03,211
A reward for heroism.Something.

235
00:10:03,211 --> 00:10:05,126
Like throwing himselfon a live grenade.

236
00:10:05,126 --> 00:10:06,736
I saw him throw himselfon a case of rotten Spam.

237
00:10:06,736 --> 00:10:08,346
Ate the whole thing.

238
00:10:08,346 --> 00:10:10,174
I'd like to see the boy getahead, but it's so cockeyed.

239
00:10:10,174 --> 00:10:12,437
-Maybe Colonel Blakeput him in for it.-And it just took time.

240
00:10:12,437 --> 00:10:14,309
-Yeah.
-I'm gonna check
with I Corps.

241
00:10:14,309 --> 00:10:16,180
Oh, I wouldn't
do that, Colonel.

242
00:10:16,180 --> 00:10:18,008
Uh, you start, uh,challenging their decisions,

243
00:10:18,008 --> 00:10:19,053
they get cranky.

244
00:10:19,053 --> 00:10:20,445
I better check.

245
00:10:20,445 --> 00:10:22,404
-Um, uh, Woody.
-Yeah.

246
00:10:22,404 --> 00:10:24,624
The-the guy to call isMaster Sergeant Woodruff.

247
00:10:24,624 --> 00:10:26,016
Know him personally?

248
00:10:26,016 --> 00:10:28,802
Uh, his, uh, mother and minewere in the U.S.O.

249
00:10:28,802 --> 00:10:30,412
Entertainers?

250
00:10:30,412 --> 00:10:32,283
No, uh, jelly doughnuts.

251
00:10:32,283 --> 00:10:33,850
I hate jelly doughnuts.

252
00:10:33,850 --> 00:10:36,070
-Radar!
-Oh, he's, uh--

253
00:10:36,070 --> 00:10:38,202
-Oh, the lieutenant isstill delivering the mail.-Yeah.

254
00:10:38,202 --> 00:10:40,204
How do you start
this confounded thing?

255
00:10:40,204 --> 00:10:42,206
-That's a mystery.
-Only two people can
work that thing.

256
00:10:42,206 --> 00:10:44,121
Radar and Sergeant Marconi.

257
00:10:44,121 --> 00:10:45,514
Yeah, you'll never get him.

258
00:10:45,514 --> 00:10:47,429
Hello? I Corps?
Got him.

259
00:10:47,429 --> 00:10:48,909
Oh, good.

260
00:10:48,909 --> 00:10:50,171
POTTER:Master Sergeant Woodruff.

261
00:10:50,171 --> 00:10:51,215
He's probably not there.

262
00:10:51,215 --> 00:10:52,782
No, he's there.

263
00:10:55,655 --> 00:10:58,527
Sergeant Woodruff.

264
00:10:58,527 --> 00:11:01,356
Oh, yes, Colonel Potter.

265
00:11:01,356 --> 00:11:05,316
4077 MASH.
Yes, Colonel.

266
00:11:05,316 --> 00:11:07,623
The O'Reilly promotion?

267
00:11:07,623 --> 00:11:09,364
Oh, I'll, uh,
I'll look it up, sir.

268
00:11:14,891 --> 00:11:17,111
Yes, sir,
I have it right here.

269
00:11:17,111 --> 00:11:20,897
Uh, efficiency,
punctuality,

270
00:11:20,897 --> 00:11:24,727
and bugling over and abovethe call of duty.

271
00:11:24,727 --> 00:11:26,686
Thank you, Sergeant.

272
00:11:26,686 --> 00:11:29,253
-The promotion's legitimate.-The promotion's legitimate.

273
00:11:29,253 --> 00:11:31,386
-Oh, really?
-Bugling?

274
00:11:31,386 --> 00:11:33,127
My horse can buglebetter than him.

275
00:11:33,127 --> 00:11:34,737
Maybe your horse is
up for promotion, too.

276
00:11:34,737 --> 00:11:36,304
-From gelding to stud.
-That'd be unusual.

277
00:11:36,304 --> 00:11:38,001
Forty years inthis man's army,

278
00:11:38,001 --> 00:11:40,743
I've never seen a soldierpromoted because of his lips.

279
00:11:40,743 --> 00:11:43,006
If he could play tuba,
he'd make colonel.

280
00:11:43,006 --> 00:11:46,227
I'm just kidding, Colonel.Just, you know, joking.

281
00:11:56,454 --> 00:11:57,673
Kagan.

282
00:11:57,673 --> 00:11:58,892
Uh, I'm sorry.

283
00:11:59,849 --> 00:12:01,155
Thanks.

284
00:12:25,962 --> 00:12:26,963
This is mine.

285
00:12:26,963 --> 00:12:28,486
That's mine.

286
00:12:28,486 --> 00:12:30,358
Look at the mark.
Can't you read Korean?

287
00:12:30,358 --> 00:12:33,100
Tall man, black hair,
snotty attitude.

288
00:12:33,100 --> 00:12:35,450
This is yours. See?

289
00:12:35,450 --> 00:12:38,235
Taller man, many teeth,
use extra soap on shorts.

290
00:12:38,235 --> 00:12:40,237
I resent that.You could eat off my shorts.

291
00:12:41,717 --> 00:12:43,545
Hi, guys.
Sirs.

292
00:12:43,545 --> 00:12:45,765
Oh, dear, is it time
for your rumba lesson?

293
00:12:45,765 --> 00:12:48,332
No, I just come over
to show you somethin'.

294
00:12:48,332 --> 00:12:51,422
Don't tell me.
You're growing sideburns.

295
00:12:51,422 --> 00:12:53,120
Continental,yet depraved.

296
00:12:53,120 --> 00:12:54,425
Come on.I don't have sideburns.

297
00:12:54,425 --> 00:12:55,687
Look.

298
00:12:55,687 --> 00:12:57,472
You're letting
your armpits grow.

299
00:12:58,516 --> 00:13:00,257
Look again.

300
00:13:00,257 --> 00:13:01,476
Got a hickey?

301
00:13:01,476 --> 00:13:02,956
Harder.

302
00:13:04,609 --> 00:13:07,308
Hawkeye, Radar'sa second lieutenant!

303
00:13:07,308 --> 00:13:08,526
[chuckles]

304
00:13:08,526 --> 00:13:11,225
I thought it was
a laundry mark.

305
00:13:11,225 --> 00:13:13,401
-Congratulations!
-Thanks a lot.
It's a real surprise.

306
00:13:13,401 --> 00:13:15,664
I'm tellin' ya, it just
come right out of the blue.

307
00:13:15,664 --> 00:13:17,144
Oh, I'm not surprised,the way you've been workin'.

308
00:13:17,144 --> 00:13:19,015
Totin' that barge,
liftin' that bale.

309
00:13:19,015 --> 00:13:20,451
Not getting drunkand landin' in jail.

310
00:13:20,451 --> 00:13:21,713
-Had to happen.
-It was in the cards.

311
00:13:21,713 --> 00:13:23,585
[chuckles]
Yeah.

312
00:13:24,804 --> 00:13:26,457
What's he doing inofficers' country?

313
00:13:26,457 --> 00:13:28,808
Careful, Frank.Check the collar.

314
00:13:31,027 --> 00:13:33,029
That's blasphemy.

315
00:13:33,029 --> 00:13:35,423
You can be shot for
impersonating an officer!

316
00:13:35,423 --> 00:13:37,164
They haven't shot
you yet, Frank.

317
00:13:37,164 --> 00:13:39,862
Oh, don't sass me, fella!
I'm turning him in.

318
00:13:39,862 --> 00:13:42,560
You'll hang from the highestyardarm in this man's Army.

319
00:13:42,560 --> 00:13:44,084
Frank, yardarm is Navy.

320
00:13:44,084 --> 00:13:45,868
Gendarme is Army.

321
00:13:45,868 --> 00:13:48,088
Sir, look.

322
00:13:48,088 --> 00:13:50,394
I don't understand this.

323
00:13:50,394 --> 00:13:52,788
A short, nearsighted,
uneducated,

324
00:13:52,788 --> 00:13:55,182
lower-class clerk
makes lieutenant?

325
00:13:55,182 --> 00:13:57,358
That's Frank's way of
saying "congratulations".

326
00:13:57,358 --> 00:13:59,012
Oh, thank you, sir.

327
00:14:08,717 --> 00:14:11,067
-Now, O.R. Shortages.
-"Shortages."

328
00:14:11,067 --> 00:14:13,461
Sulfa, I.V. Tubing,
rubber gloves,

329
00:14:13,461 --> 00:14:15,593
masks, sutures,

330
00:14:15,593 --> 00:14:16,943
four-oh silk.

331
00:14:16,943 --> 00:14:17,987
You got that,Lieutenant O'Reilly?

332
00:14:17,987 --> 00:14:19,467
Uh, yes, ma'am.

333
00:14:19,467 --> 00:14:23,123
"Lieutenant O'Reilly."I'll never get used to that.

334
00:14:23,123 --> 00:14:24,428
Me neither.

335
00:14:24,428 --> 00:14:26,039
Jenkie bottoms,
when I made corporal,

336
00:14:26,039 --> 00:14:27,562
I broke out in hives.

337
00:14:27,562 --> 00:14:29,172
Tell me the truth, O'Reilly.

338
00:14:29,172 --> 00:14:30,608
Do you have a relative--

339
00:14:30,608 --> 00:14:32,610
distant relativewho's maybe a general,

340
00:14:32,610 --> 00:14:34,874
an admiral, big brass?

341
00:14:34,874 --> 00:14:36,876
My Uncle Howard's
a notary public.

342
00:14:36,876 --> 00:14:39,226
Anybody can bea notary public.

343
00:14:39,226 --> 00:14:42,533
He's also a
dance instructor.

344
00:14:42,533 --> 00:14:44,187
Nitwit.

345
00:14:46,189 --> 00:14:47,538
Uh, okay, ma'am.

346
00:14:47,538 --> 00:14:49,540
I'll go to supply
and get this stuff.

347
00:14:49,540 --> 00:14:51,107
Negative!

348
00:14:51,107 --> 00:14:52,456
What-a-tive?

349
00:14:52,456 --> 00:14:54,023
You are commissioned.

350
00:14:54,023 --> 00:14:56,156
You do not perform
menial tasks.

351
00:14:56,156 --> 00:14:59,246
Designate authority,
Lieutenant O'Reilly.

352
00:14:59,246 --> 00:15:00,987
Get some enlisted men
and start in Supply,

353
00:15:00,987 --> 00:15:02,814
and take care of the O.R.

354
00:15:02,814 --> 00:15:05,165
Yes, ma'am.
Uh, ma'am?

355
00:15:05,165 --> 00:15:06,731
Now what?

356
00:15:06,731 --> 00:15:09,865
Is it okay if I try
the officers' latrine?

357
00:15:10,735 --> 00:15:11,867
Of course.

358
00:15:11,867 --> 00:15:14,914
Oh, boy!"National Geographic!"

359
00:15:26,012 --> 00:15:28,014
Okay, guys, up, up.

360
00:15:28,014 --> 00:15:30,059
Oh, buzz off, O'Reilly.

361
00:15:30,059 --> 00:15:32,105
-Oh, come on.
-Shove.

362
00:15:32,105 --> 00:15:34,107
Hey, look,
I hate to do this,

363
00:15:34,107 --> 00:15:35,499
but, uh, I gotta
give you an order.

364
00:15:35,499 --> 00:15:37,066
You guys gotta take
some stuff over to O.R.

365
00:15:37,066 --> 00:15:38,763
Never fails, right, Igor?

366
00:15:38,763 --> 00:15:41,201
You make a guy an officer,and he turns into a fink.

367
00:15:41,201 --> 00:15:42,811
Ain't it the way?

368
00:15:42,811 --> 00:15:43,986
Does he remember when youlent him that Oh Henry bar

369
00:15:43,986 --> 00:15:45,814
-for the movies?
-Uh-uh.

370
00:15:45,814 --> 00:15:47,598
Does he remember all thatgood garbage you gave him

371
00:15:47,598 --> 00:15:50,079
-for his hamster?
-Beats me.

372
00:15:50,079 --> 00:15:52,038
-Exactly.
-Come on, Zale.

373
00:15:52,038 --> 00:15:53,430
Just because a guy
makes officer

374
00:15:53,430 --> 00:15:55,345
doesn't mean you gotta
walk all over him.

375
00:15:55,345 --> 00:15:57,260
Look, I'm gonna tell youonce more, Tiny Tim.

376
00:15:57,260 --> 00:15:58,479
Shove.

377
00:15:58,479 --> 00:16:00,176
Oh, yeah?

378
00:16:00,176 --> 00:16:01,569
Oh, yeah?
Okay!

379
00:16:01,569 --> 00:16:03,092
I'll tell you
what you do.

380
00:16:03,092 --> 00:16:04,964
You take this
and you fill that out.

381
00:16:04,964 --> 00:16:07,009
Then you deliver it
to O.R., okay?

382
00:16:07,009 --> 00:16:09,229
And that's an order!

383
00:16:12,928 --> 00:16:15,409
I'd really appreciate it.Thanks a lot, guys.

384
00:16:20,718 --> 00:16:22,459
Radar.

385
00:16:22,459 --> 00:16:24,200
Look, see?

386
00:16:24,200 --> 00:16:27,377
I'm an officer now.
I'm allowed to do that.

387
00:16:27,377 --> 00:16:31,207
So I heard.And you're not allowed.

388
00:16:31,207 --> 00:16:33,905
No, uh, ma'am,
you remember when you
caught me in your towel,

389
00:16:33,905 --> 00:16:35,385
and you said you
wanted to kiss me?

390
00:16:35,385 --> 00:16:36,778
Well, it's legal now,

391
00:16:36,778 --> 00:16:38,998
and I'd really like to
try it at least once.

392
00:16:38,998 --> 00:16:41,652
Lieutenant,you don't understand.

393
00:16:41,652 --> 00:16:43,437
I love the underdog.

394
00:16:43,437 --> 00:16:46,135
I used to root for theSaint Louis Browns.

395
00:16:47,397 --> 00:16:49,921
What happened to
you and me and you?

396
00:16:49,921 --> 00:16:52,968
Lieutenant,you still don't understand.

397
00:16:52,968 --> 00:16:54,752
You're no longerforbidden fruit.

398
00:16:54,752 --> 00:16:56,624
-I'm not?
-Mm-mm.

399
00:16:56,624 --> 00:16:58,408
I'm confused.

400
00:16:58,408 --> 00:17:00,193
You liked me.Now you don't like me?

401
00:17:00,193 --> 00:17:02,456
MAN [on P.A.]:
Lieutenant O'Reilly, report to Colonel Potter.

402
00:17:02,456 --> 00:17:05,633
Uh, Lieutenant,
the colonel is paging you.

403
00:17:05,633 --> 00:17:07,330
I mean, just becauseI got a new uniform?

404
00:17:07,330 --> 00:17:08,766
-I've got bars?
-MAN: Radar!

405
00:17:08,766 --> 00:17:09,985
That's--Ooh, that's me!

406
00:17:09,985 --> 00:17:11,334
MAN: Report to Colonel Potter.

407
00:17:12,379 --> 00:17:14,250
I'm not a clerk.
I'm a medic.

408
00:17:14,250 --> 00:17:17,123
Every time I answer the phone,I gotta take off an earring!

409
00:17:17,123 --> 00:17:19,081
Maybe you shouldn't
wear the earrings.

410
00:17:19,081 --> 00:17:21,083
Just because
you're a lieutenant

411
00:17:21,083 --> 00:17:23,694
don't make you a
fashion consultant.

412
00:17:23,694 --> 00:17:25,044
Crazy Army.

413
00:17:25,044 --> 00:17:27,263
Wish I could hear
through my nose.

414
00:17:27,263 --> 00:17:29,526
Well, is Klinger gettingthe hang of the job?

415
00:17:29,526 --> 00:17:31,006
He's doing
just fine, sir.

416
00:17:31,006 --> 00:17:32,703
If you need me,I'll be lancing a boil.

417
00:17:32,703 --> 00:17:34,009
Yes, sir.

418
00:17:34,009 --> 00:17:35,141
Okay, let's get going,
Klinger.

419
00:17:35,141 --> 00:17:37,752
Call me "Corporal."

420
00:17:37,752 --> 00:17:39,014
Why?

421
00:17:39,014 --> 00:17:41,016
I have to call you
"Lieutenant."

422
00:17:41,016 --> 00:17:43,888
Not when we're alone.
Criminies.

423
00:17:43,888 --> 00:17:46,065
You know me, Lieutenant.I'm G.I., all the way.

424
00:17:46,065 --> 00:17:47,544
I go by the book.

425
00:17:47,544 --> 00:17:48,502
Wearing dresses?

426
00:17:48,502 --> 00:17:50,504
But always in
the best taste.

427
00:17:50,504 --> 00:17:52,897
Let's get on
with this stuff.

428
00:17:52,897 --> 00:17:54,421
First, there's the radio.

429
00:17:54,421 --> 00:17:56,945
See this switch here?
That turns on the power.

430
00:17:56,945 --> 00:17:59,121
-See the little red light?-Cute.

431
00:17:59,121 --> 00:18:01,167
Okay, now, I just wanna
review for a second.

432
00:18:01,167 --> 00:18:02,864
What's this little
red light mean?

433
00:18:02,864 --> 00:18:04,605
Tinker Bell's alive?

434
00:18:04,605 --> 00:18:06,868
Come on.
Be serious!

435
00:18:06,868 --> 00:18:08,652
Jeez, when I'm out doingsecond lieutenant stuff,

436
00:18:08,652 --> 00:18:10,176
you're in charge here.

437
00:18:10,176 --> 00:18:12,091
Joy to the world.

438
00:18:12,091 --> 00:18:14,093
[sighs]All right now, look.

439
00:18:14,093 --> 00:18:17,313
This whole thing also runsthe P.A. System, right?

440
00:18:17,313 --> 00:18:19,750
Now watch me, please,

441
00:18:19,750 --> 00:18:22,492
because I'm-I'm gonna makean announcement, okay?

442
00:18:22,492 --> 00:18:25,060
This-this switch here,you switch to P.A.

443
00:18:25,060 --> 00:18:26,496
See?

444
00:18:26,496 --> 00:18:29,412
Okay, now you pick this up.You hold it like this.

445
00:18:29,412 --> 00:18:30,761
All right?

446
00:18:30,761 --> 00:18:32,720
Now before you talkor anything, you test it.

447
00:18:32,720 --> 00:18:34,591
You blow.

448
00:18:34,591 --> 00:18:36,463
[blowing air]

449
00:18:36,463 --> 00:18:37,942
Announcement coming over.

450
00:18:37,942 --> 00:18:39,596
If the war's over,

451
00:18:39,596 --> 00:18:40,902
meet me under the clockat Grand Central in 10 years.

452
00:18:40,902 --> 00:18:42,121
We'll go dancing.

453
00:18:42,121 --> 00:18:43,252
I lead.

454
00:18:43,252 --> 00:18:44,949
Then you buy.

455
00:18:44,949 --> 00:18:46,734
RADAR [on PA]:
This is just a test.

456
00:18:46,734 --> 00:18:48,649
Testing, testing.
Five, four...

457
00:18:48,649 --> 00:18:49,693
If I'd known there was
gonna be a test today,

458
00:18:49,693 --> 00:18:50,955
I'd have studied.

459
00:18:50,955 --> 00:18:52,479
RADAR [on PA]:
Testing, testing.

460
00:18:52,479 --> 00:18:56,657
See? Okay, now,why don't you try one.

461
00:18:56,657 --> 00:18:58,354
-[blowing]
-No, no, no, no,

462
00:18:58,354 --> 00:19:00,835
that's too wet.You'll get it all rusty.

463
00:19:00,835 --> 00:19:02,793
-How'd the boil go, Sherm?-Gangbusters.

464
00:19:02,793 --> 00:19:04,665
You call the old man
Sherm?

465
00:19:04,665 --> 00:19:07,146
Oh, sure, officersalways call each otherby their first name.

466
00:19:07,146 --> 00:19:10,453
-What'd you call me?-Colonel, sir, colonel.

467
00:19:10,453 --> 00:19:12,673
He's a little crankywhen he, uh, lances a boil.

468
00:19:12,673 --> 00:19:14,501
Here, now you tryan announcement.

469
00:19:14,501 --> 00:19:16,416
-Like what?-Oh, the movie tonight.

470
00:19:16,416 --> 00:19:19,201
Here, just read
what's on this paper.

471
00:19:19,201 --> 00:19:20,681
Will this make me a star?

472
00:19:20,681 --> 00:19:22,335
Aw, come on.
Stop horsin' around.

473
00:19:23,988 --> 00:19:25,729
Attention, all personnel.

474
00:19:25,729 --> 00:19:26,861
Hold it.

475
00:19:26,861 --> 00:19:29,907
-Now what?
-You forgot to blow.

476
00:19:29,907 --> 00:19:31,605
-[blowing]-No, no, don't spit. Blow.

477
00:19:31,605 --> 00:19:32,780
I'm Lebanese.

478
00:19:32,780 --> 00:19:34,956
We're full of
the juices of life!

479
00:19:34,956 --> 00:19:37,654
Attention,all personnel.

480
00:19:37,654 --> 00:19:41,789
The movie for tonight,"One Ticket to Broadway,"

481
00:19:41,789 --> 00:19:43,486
starring Lyle Bennett,

482
00:19:43,486 --> 00:19:46,707
Mitzi Price,Leonard W. Grossman,

483
00:19:46,707 --> 00:19:49,100
And Teddy,the Wonder Lizard.

484
00:19:49,100 --> 00:19:51,712
Come on!There's no lizard in there.

485
00:19:51,712 --> 00:19:53,366
Will you stop
foolin' around?!

486
00:19:53,366 --> 00:19:54,932
There's no lizard
in that picture.

487
00:19:54,932 --> 00:19:57,457
That was"Two Lizards to Broadway."

488
00:19:57,457 --> 00:20:01,069
Oh, for Pete's sakes, Klinger,can't you do anything right?

489
00:20:01,069 --> 00:20:03,506
Get off my back,
Lieutenant!

490
00:20:03,506 --> 00:20:04,812
You're just jealous!

491
00:20:04,812 --> 00:20:06,422
I hope you choke
on them bars!

492
00:20:06,422 --> 00:20:08,337
Oh, yeah?
Let's do a test!

493
00:20:08,337 --> 00:20:09,425
[blowing]

494
00:20:09,425 --> 00:20:11,297
Too wet!
[blowing]

495
00:20:11,297 --> 00:20:12,472
You're right!

496
00:20:12,472 --> 00:20:14,169
[blowing]

497
00:20:19,914 --> 00:20:21,263
Halt!
Who goes there?

498
00:20:21,263 --> 00:20:23,178
LieutenantWalter O'Reilly.

499
00:20:23,178 --> 00:20:24,919
-Hey, wait a minute--
-Password.

500
00:20:24,919 --> 00:20:27,530
-Where's Igor?
-Wrong.

501
00:20:27,530 --> 00:20:29,445
Igor, for Pete's sake,get up. Come on.

502
00:20:29,445 --> 00:20:30,707
What's the matter?

503
00:20:30,707 --> 00:20:31,969
You're on guard duty.

504
00:20:31,969 --> 00:20:33,275
You could be shot!

505
00:20:33,275 --> 00:20:34,842
Why, did the kid
fall asleep?

506
00:20:34,842 --> 00:20:36,931
What if an officercaught you?

507
00:20:36,931 --> 00:20:38,541
HOULIHAN:
An officer did.

508
00:20:38,541 --> 00:20:41,457
What is this childdoing with a rifle?

509
00:20:41,457 --> 00:20:43,154
-Password.
-Oh, shut up.

510
00:20:43,154 --> 00:20:46,984
Wrong again.

511
00:20:46,984 --> 00:20:51,554
Put this man on report,Lieutenant O'Reilly.

512
00:20:51,554 --> 00:20:53,730
Now, you see the troubleyou got me into?

513
00:20:53,730 --> 00:20:55,558
Lucky for you
I wasn't asleep.

514
00:20:55,558 --> 00:20:57,865
They'd have shot you.
Fink.

515
00:20:57,865 --> 00:20:59,780
Look at this.

516
00:20:59,780 --> 00:21:02,696
"R.J. Hardlidge has beennamed nudist of the year."

517
00:21:02,696 --> 00:21:04,872
-Great credentials.
-[knocking]

518
00:21:04,872 --> 00:21:06,439
Entre vous.

519
00:21:06,439 --> 00:21:07,831
A born head waiter.

520
00:21:09,093 --> 00:21:11,400
-Sirs?-What do you want, shavetail?

521
00:21:11,400 --> 00:21:13,054
Uh, sir, I-I wannatalk to the captains.

522
00:21:13,054 --> 00:21:14,621
You little snip.

523
00:21:14,621 --> 00:21:16,579
You just wanna talk about mebehind my back, don't you?

524
00:21:16,579 --> 00:21:19,060
No, sir,I wanna talk about me,sir, behind my back.

525
00:21:19,060 --> 00:21:20,409
Frank, will you excuse us?

526
00:21:20,409 --> 00:21:22,890
I'm plucking the hair
from my mole.

527
00:21:22,890 --> 00:21:24,805
Do it Sunday.
I'll serve cocktails.

528
00:21:24,805 --> 00:21:26,197
Come on, Frank.
Beat it.

529
00:21:26,197 --> 00:21:27,460
Nerts.

530
00:21:27,460 --> 00:21:29,113
HAWKEYE: Why don't yougo talk to Margaret?

531
00:21:29,113 --> 00:21:30,985
You know, I think I sawMargaret out walking before.

532
00:21:30,985 --> 00:21:31,942
With her whip.

533
00:21:31,942 --> 00:21:33,422
Wearing boots.

534
00:21:33,422 --> 00:21:36,469
Gee, maybe she wants
to be friends again.

535
00:21:39,863 --> 00:21:41,517
I thought he'd
never leave.

536
00:21:41,517 --> 00:21:42,910
What's up, motorman?

537
00:21:42,910 --> 00:21:44,999
Hawkeye...

538
00:21:44,999 --> 00:21:48,307
[sighs]
I got a big problem.

539
00:21:49,656 --> 00:21:51,353
You're chafing again.
I told you, keep dry.

540
00:21:51,353 --> 00:21:53,007
And plenty of talcum.

541
00:21:53,007 --> 00:21:56,010
No, no, no, it's up here.I'm goin' loony.

542
00:21:56,010 --> 00:21:58,752
Insanity is just
a state of mind.

543
00:21:58,752 --> 00:22:00,362
What's up?

544
00:22:00,362 --> 00:22:03,757
Well, you know, the firsttime somebody salutes you,

545
00:22:03,757 --> 00:22:05,585
it's really swell.

546
00:22:05,585 --> 00:22:08,239
But now...
jeez, Zale hates me.

547
00:22:08,239 --> 00:22:11,199
Igor hates me.Klinger really hates me.

548
00:22:11,199 --> 00:22:12,461
I mean, holy cow.

549
00:22:12,461 --> 00:22:14,681
I'm not one of
the guys anymore.

550
00:22:14,681 --> 00:22:17,118
And I don't fit in with
the officers, either.

551
00:22:17,118 --> 00:22:20,034
When I was enlisted,I kept wishin' I was an officer.

552
00:22:20,034 --> 00:22:22,123
Now I'm an officer,
and I hate it.

553
00:22:22,123 --> 00:22:23,951
The brass is
always greener.

554
00:22:23,951 --> 00:22:25,822
Klinger's got my old job,

555
00:22:25,822 --> 00:22:27,346
and he's spitting
in the microphone.

556
00:22:27,346 --> 00:22:29,260
Puts the red folders
with the blue folders.

557
00:22:29,260 --> 00:22:31,785
He made a choker out ofmy typewriter ribbon.

558
00:22:31,785 --> 00:22:34,309
And, jeez,
I'm so lonesome.

559
00:22:34,309 --> 00:22:36,703
All I got is...

560
00:22:36,703 --> 00:22:39,140
-Your teddy bear?
-Yeah.

561
00:22:41,534 --> 00:22:43,666
Would you like to bean enlisted man again?

562
00:22:48,497 --> 00:22:49,759
Can you guys do that?

563
00:22:49,759 --> 00:22:52,283
We're doctors.
It's an easy operation.

564
00:22:52,283 --> 00:22:53,937
Simply have somebodyremove your bars.

565
00:22:53,937 --> 00:22:55,417
How low would you
like to get busted?

566
00:22:55,417 --> 00:22:56,853
No lower than corporal.

567
00:22:56,853 --> 00:22:58,028
That way, I can
keep up the payments

568
00:22:58,028 --> 00:23:00,030
on my mom's electrolysis.

569
00:23:00,030 --> 00:23:01,380
Good thinking.

570
00:23:01,380 --> 00:23:03,556
Cheer up, soldier.Your demotion is in the bag.

571
00:23:03,556 --> 00:23:05,601
Congratulations.You're no longer a gentleman.

572
00:23:05,601 --> 00:23:07,298
Can I take these off now?

573
00:23:07,298 --> 00:23:09,213
No, I wouldn't.Uh, you could get in trouble.

574
00:23:09,213 --> 00:23:10,780
An officer impersonatingan enlisted man.

575
00:23:10,780 --> 00:23:12,347
Yeah.

576
00:23:12,347 --> 00:23:14,001
-Hawkeye, thank you.
-It's okay, Radar.

577
00:23:14,001 --> 00:23:15,176
-Thank you, B.J.
-Sure.

578
00:23:15,176 --> 00:23:16,569
Gee, how can I
ever thank you?

579
00:23:16,569 --> 00:23:17,657
Well, you can give us
your firstborn.

580
00:23:17,657 --> 00:23:19,223
And an order of fries.

581
00:23:19,223 --> 00:23:21,878
-You know any fast girls?-You know any slow ones?

582
00:23:29,886 --> 00:23:31,410
Mmm... oh, boy.

583
00:23:31,410 --> 00:23:32,628
Like it?

584
00:23:32,628 --> 00:23:34,848
Oh, yes,it's really swell.

585
00:23:34,848 --> 00:23:36,937
Except I'm sweatingall over the mail.

586
00:23:36,937 --> 00:23:38,895
I have to go on duty now.

587
00:23:38,895 --> 00:23:41,028
I'll, uh,
see you tomorrow.

588
00:23:41,028 --> 00:23:42,377
Right.

589
00:23:42,377 --> 00:23:43,596
Well, what if youdon't get any mail?

590
00:23:43,596 --> 00:23:45,249
Wing it, stud.

591
00:23:45,728 --> 00:23:47,382
Okay.

592
00:23:51,168 --> 00:23:53,127
-So? So?
What happened?
-Aw, come on.

593
00:23:53,127 --> 00:23:54,520
What, uh, what did
you do in there?

594
00:23:54,520 --> 00:23:56,435
First base? Second? Third?Home plate?

595
00:23:56,435 --> 00:23:57,740
Come on!
I don't kiss and tell.

596
00:23:57,740 --> 00:23:58,959
Aw, he struck out.

597
00:23:58,959 --> 00:24:01,135
[indistinct chatter]

598
00:24:06,662 --> 00:24:09,317
[theme music playing]